Maryo J. Delos Reyes’s 1981 comedy Totoo Ba Ang Tsismis? is a story about the very strange turn of events in the life of a simple but extremely headstrong nurse, Cora Afable (played impeccably by the one and only superstar Nora Aunor), when she meets a rich, spoiled brat named Gabby Araneta (Gabby Concepcion). Responsible Cora dutifully raises her middle-class matriarchal family by making rounds in a hospital’s psychiatric ward with her sexually vigorous best friend, Baby (played by Louella). Gabby, on the other hand, is a reckless, mestizo troublemaker who, in order to avoid being sent to military school, fakes an unspecified mental disorder (could be a combination of ADD and catatonia, with small traces of some sleep disorder) and is put under Cora’s care.The responsibility is much to Cora’s chagrin, of course, because from the onset, she’s had doubts about Gabby’s in/sanity. Call it woman’s intuition—she just somehow sees through him. She launches a psychological war against her patient, and would not buy any of his pathetic antics. The battle is tricky, however, as everybody else is hostile to her observations. Gabby behaves perfectly normal when Cora is the only one around, and sustains his act only in the presence of his father (Johnny Wilson), his Spanish-speaking alta sociedad relatives, and the power-tripping head nurse (Mitch Valdez).
Gabby gives Cora a really hard time during her shift. He pretends to be catatonic and refuses to eat hospital food. During bath time, he refuses to even lift a finger, compelling poor Cora to strip his clothes for him and give him a sponge down. In one occasion, during bedtime, the head nurse walks in while he is horsing around and wrongly reprimands Cora for flirting with the sick patient.
Despite being frustrated and unhappy with being pushed around, Cora reluctantly puts up with Gabby’s whims because she’s professional. However, she assures Gabby that there will be an end to his sick modus operandi, and that she’s out to expose him.
In the following sequence Gabby sneaks out of the hospital and follows Cora on her way home. He pops out from behind a tree in the park, grabs Cora, and attempts to rape her right there and then. Unfortunately, he is not aware of Cora’s aptitude for karate, which she uses efficiently, allowing her to run and scream for help. A car pulls over and she frantically solicits for a hitch.
“Tulungan ninyo ako! May gustong mang-rape sa akin! Kilala ko ang tao na ‘yon!”
The car passengers, who look like they’re wasted from some drunken revelry, tell her, “Oh, kilala mo naman pala eh. Relax. Just enjoy it, okay?”
“Mga hayop!” Cora yells as the car careens down the highway.
At this point Cora’s suspicions about Gabby’s sanity are confirmed. With no one sympathetic to her convictions, she decides to fight fire with fire this time. Back at the hospital, she exhausts all possible means to make Gabby’s life miserable. When catatonic Gabby refuses to eat, she calls through the intercom for reinforcements, “Nurse, pakidala ang swero dito. Internal feeding ang gagawin natin sa pasyente!” When forced to bathe her difficult patient, she rubs floor brush onto Gabby’s back. When the rowdy patient refuses to sleep, she says, “Hindi ka makatulog? Kawawa naman si Gabby. Hindi bale, ako ang bahala,” and then brings out a syringe the size of an eggplant.
Naturally, a pissed Gabby checks out of the hospital the following day, his doctor totally flabbergasted at his miraculous overnight recovery. Back to his old lavish ways, he tries to go out with his other rich friends and flirt with the girls—everything to distract himself from a remote, romantic feeling for Cora that is starting to creep up. There’s just something about Cora. Is it her confidence or her stubbornness? Her principles? Whatever it is, it really turns him on. He tries to make friends with the indifferent Cora who has nothing but contempt for him, and who would rather eat rat poison than reconcile with him.
Humiliated, Gabby turns to his friend (Ricky Davao) to hatch a plan to get back at Cora. The Ricky Davao character questions Gabby’s motives, and implies that he may actually be falling in love with the feisty nurse. Gabby denies this, saying his motive is purely egotistical. They decide to kidnap Cora, take her to the friend’s Matabungkay vacation house, and just scare the hell out of her.
The plan materializes, except that they abducted Baby, Cora’s lascivious best friend and colleague, as well. At the vacation house, Baby announces, “Boys, kung balak ninyo kaming rape-in, aba’y simulan n’yo na! Marami pa kaming gagawin ni Cora!” Gabby drags Cora into the bedroom and, upon Cora’s provocation, rapes her. In the other room, Baby attempts to take advantage of Gabby’s friend.Meanwhile, the Afable household is starting to worry about Cora’s whereabouts. Granny (Chichay), the head matriarch of the family, with mudpack on her face, asks Cora’s brother (Roderick Paulate) where his sister is. The brother, gyrating to “Rock Lobster” by The B-52’s in the living room, tries to recall the message Cora had left.
“Sabi ni ate, mag-o-overtime daw siya.”
“O, ayun naman pala. Nag-overtime lang pala si Cora.”
“Ay, hindi. Ang sabi ni ate, mag-o-overnight daw siya.”
“O, nag-overnight lang naman pala si Cora.”
“Granny, overtime ho ata ang sabi ni ate.”
“Halika dito,” Granny calls her grandson, and then smacks him in the head.
In a few moments, a weeping Cora arrives and tells her family about the rape.
“Na naman?!” Granny asks her.
“Ito, Granny, totoo na.”
The family immediately heads straight to the police station, where they file a complaint and where the police chief (Balut) interrogates Cora and insinuates about her sexual history. “Tao lang ho ako,” Cora explains, “hindi ako birhen!”
More mayhem ensues when the rape trial starts, what with the asthmatic and hearing-impaired judge, the flirtatious court official whose layers of jewelry create too much noise, and the gay prosecution lawyer who occasionally leers at the accused, among other hilarious characters. When Gabby takes the witness stand, he lies about having a romantic relationship with the now pregnant Cora. Cora vehemently objects to Gabby’s statements, “Sinungaling! Bawiin mo ang mga sinabi mo!” Her gay lawyer calms her down, “Cora, ‘wag ka ngang mag-Kramer vs. Kramer dito!”
During the course of the long trial, however, Cora starts acknowledging feelings for Gabby, perhaps something she’s been holding back for quite a long time. In one key montage, Gabby hallucinates about cavorting with Cora by the seashore while Nora Aunor sings “Ikaw Ang Kailangan Ko” in the background. The montage ends with Cora lying on her bed, smiling, and—I assume—daydreaming about the exact same thing. During a hilarious ruckus inside the courtroom, she realizes that she’s about to give birth so everybody makes a break for the hospital. Heavy traffic causes the panicky party to board a fire engine, a risky move that easily solves their transportation problem. At the hospital, it is revealed that Cora suffered a significant loss of blood and the only one who can save her life is, in fact, Gabby. He donates his blood—his ultimate act of love—for Cora to survive the death scare. Eventually, Cora forgives him and accepts his marriage proposal.
No Mendelssohn march at the wedding, though. Instead, the entire cast retires to a disco club for the reception and starts dancing to “Cars” by Gary Numan in perfect unison. Cora, still in her frilly Rene Salud wedding gown, happily dances with her husband as the end credits roll.
(Photos taken from the terrific sari-saringsinengpinoy.blogspot.com, where other information about Totoo Ba Ang Tsismis?, as well as other Filipino movies, are available.)
